How Self-Aware Are You?

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths — Etty Hillesum

How much time and energy do you allocate to building self-awareness?

Self-care is a catalyst influencing our levels of self-awareness, and increasing self-awareness is critical because it is the powerful foundation of self-mastery—specifically, powerful mind-mastery and mental wealth.

By repeating a positive self-care mantra to yourself, you will eventually become a master of your mind. Self-talk is important because whatever you regularly say to yourself, either out loud or quietly and internally with your inside voice, becomes whom you believe you are. Self-talk is important because your brain receives information in the form of knowledge you choose to listen to.

Did you know self-care is a form of self-love and because there is only one you in the universe you must look after your ‘spiritual’ self by loving yourself?

Allocate five minutes each day to practise looking after your spiritual self so that you build self-care and, therefore, self-love into your daily routine. Go for a walk or put your phone away. Be with yourself because you are great to be with!

Write down one sentence about why you love yourself. For example, ‘I am kind because I made a cup of tea for myself and my friend’. Sip your drink and imagine the liquid gently falling down your throat and energising your whole body. Please focus on the sensation of it nurturing you.

You can choose to practise mastery of your mind. Practise regularly, and you’ll become a master of self-care and be increasing self-awareness in no time. You will become a master of your mind. This is powerful.

How you carry yourself physically and mentally can affect your personal safety is important because criminals usually target people that appear helpless or powerless. For example, the way you walk to your car in a poorly lit street can determine if you’re going to be approached or not, and it’s important because your mental state affects your level of environmental awareness. If you’re less aware of what’s happening around you, you’re more likely to get injured or find yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

Did you know that ‘it takes a criminal just seven seconds to select their next victim? The criminals two biggest fears are getting hurt and getting caught. This knowledge empowers you in case you are picked.’

Sociologists Betty Grayson and Morris I. Stein conducted a study to set up a video camera on a busy New York sidewalk and taped people walking by for three days. The tape was later shown to inmates in a large East Coast prison incarcerated for violent offences (such as armed robbery, rape and murder) against people unknown to them.

Their key findings were that ‘Every inmate chose exactly the same person, and the choices were not solely based on gender, race or age. Older, petite females were not automatically singled out. The inmates read the pedestrians’ nonverbal signals and used those to make their choices’ [1]

When I was a teenager, I walked with my friend at night, and two guys were walking towards us. My friend happened to be looking down with his shoulders slightly hunched over. I was standing upright with squared shoulders and head up. Just as one of the guys approached us, he took a swing a punched my friend in the face! Why do you think he did that? Apart from being a violent human, he chose an easier to target a victim.

Adopt a powerful gait by walking assertively and confidently. Practise by walking at your own natural pace with your head up. Make each stride purposeful and powerful, with a clear sense of where you’re going. Do your best to walk smoothly. Glide like a swan or do a Conor McGregor. I’m joking! To clarify, gait means ‘the way a person walks’. I originally didn’t know what it meant until I looked it up years ago. It’s not a word used regularly.

When you’re out and about in the city, occasionally give people a quick bit of eye contact. This shows you’re aware of your surroundings, and it alerts any would-be attacker, whether it’s them you’re looking at or not, that you’re not going to be an easy target. The way you walk can influence your confidence level and how others perceive you, especially potential attackers. It could save you a trip to the hospital.

Three challenges for you to practice self-care towards improving self-awareness. Pick one:

1. Meditate or do deep breathing for five minutes. (Start with thirty seconds)

2. Laugh heartily at least once a day. Watch your favourite comedy or share funny stories with friends.

3. Get a full 8 hours sleep with no mobile phone or internet at night. Lights out!

Once you start focusing more time on practising self-care, you’ll discover your self-awareness increasing towards greater mental wealth. You’ll be in a much better position to reach mind-mastery in your lifetime.

Thank you for reading.

Adam Bowcutt

Adapted from:

Confide The New Psychology of Confidence. How to Power Up after Experiencing Depression

[1] Attracting Assault: Victims’ Nonverbal Cues, Betty Grayson and Morris I. Stein (1981)

Why Building Connections Could Save Your Life

Without relationships, you could die of loneliness — literally.

A study concluded, ‘Actual and perceived social isolation are both associated with increased risk for early mortality.’

'Loneliness — both its objective state and feelings of loneliness — is also the psychological state most associated with suicide, to the point where it’s safe to say that while not all lonely people are suicidal, all suicidal people are lonely’ [1]

Building your connections is important because human relationships make up the fabric of your life, along with everyone else connected to you in some way, now and in the future.

I have a small network of snowboarder friends I’m still in touch with. They are rad! Since moving to Australia, I have proactively built up my network

deep and wide. It’s amazing.

You will build confidence by building your network. It’s a mutually reinforcing cycle; this means you will become more confident as your network grows, and as your network grows, you will, in turn, become yet more confident. It’s exponential, where one plus one doesn’t equal two, but one plus one equals three. Two minds connecting and collaborating create more than the sum of their parts.

Psychologically, humans are social creatures. Without a society to belong to, it’s all too easy to become isolated from the group and become a lone wolf. What do you think ultimately happens to a lone wolf? By building connections, you are creating and maintaining a valuable support system. If you need to reach out, there are friends, colleagues, business associates, and family to help you in times of need. Mentally and psychologically, this is a great boost of confidence, because you know people have your back. Likewise, I’m sure you’d have theirs too. At university, I entered the university halls alone, shy and nervous. I plucked up the courage to introduce myself to my roommates.

‘Hello, my name’s Adam. Can I come to dinner with you, please?’

It was later revealed that they thought I was a random stranger. Fast-forward ten plus years and we are the best of friends to this day. We have a WhatsApp group chat, all seven of us. It’s a melting pot of British banter. It’s like we are still at university!

Once you start to truly connect with others in the moment, you will begin to build valuable connections that will help you now, one year from now, or ten years from now. It doesn’t matter when. The most important thing is to start.

Do it. Now.

When you truly, authentically, and deeply connect with people, a foundation of trust is built. A lifetime of solid friendships and strategic partnerships, in life and business, is the outcome. Friendships are built on trust. You need friends to get you out of tight situations and vice versa. You will be a force to reckon with alongside your powerful alliances.

I used to think the friends you grow up with are the most important people you build connections with. I found out this is not the case, because once you become an adult — and even before that, in some cases — you can choose your friends.

Building Connections

Show up to events you’re invited to, or even better, go to events you pick that you’re interested in. For example, if you like fishing, go to a fishing event or meetup. You’ll be glad you did, because the benefit of meeting like-minded people will lift your spirits. Once you’re over your initial fear of meeting a stranger for the first time, reveal something honest and true about yourself in pleasant conversation. For example, I love the peace and quiet of sitting at the local river because it’s relaxing. Or if you’re feeling a bit more daring, perhaps share that you once kissed a fish and felt more connected with it than with your partner! See what happens.

If you’re vulnerable with other people, their defences will begin to lower. This will build trust. Trust is ultimately what connections and deep friendships are based on.

Get out of your comfort zone. Show up! Force yourself to go to an event where there will definitely be other people in the same situation as you. Set a challenge where the goal is to introduce yourself to at least one person in the first fifteen minutes.

Trust is ultimately what connections and deep friendships are based on.

You have the power to choose each day who you will connect with.

Start today!

Who will you connect with and why?

Send a quick message via email, messenger, instagram etc

“Hey, I am ….. and I like how you ….”

Go on.

Building connections is massively important to your quality of life, especially your bank balance, because it is said that ‘your network is your net worth’. What does this mean? Well, it means the value of your connections are inextricably linked to who you know. People do business with people they trust. Your network is strength in numbers. The deeper and larger a person’s network, the higher their net worth.

You’ve heard the phrase ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’, yes? There’s certainly a grain of truth there. Let’s not disregard the hunger for knowledge, because your authentic connections with people in your network afford you valuable knowledge, in context. It is not just book smarts. It’s great to read and absorb knowledge. Gaining knowledge from others, in context, offers a rich source of knowledge, leading to wisdom. Knowledge is knowing information. Wisdom is the ability to use relevant knowledge effectively to improve your life and the lives of others.

A support network is invaluable to your mental health if you’re feeling low or had a crappy day, or if symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression begin to rear their ugly head. With a strong and deep network of people that know your background, they’ll be there for you, to help you through challenging times. Likewise, I’m sure you’d do the same for them. Wouldn’t you?

Did you know networking is one of the most important skills in business?

As my mental health started to strengthen, I knew of the importance of networking. I got out of my comfort zone and went to a networking event. I felt so awkward. What should I do? How should I introduce myself? I thought. An array of limiting beliefs started to flood my mind. What will they think of me? Am I good enough? What if I make a fool of myself? I used my own mantra of ‘What is the worst that can happen?’

Just as I was about to pluck up the courage to say ‘Hello, my name’s Adam. What’s yours?’ a friendly gentleman in a smart suit beat me to it! He took the words right out of my mouth, except he said his name first. It was absolutely fine. What on earth had I been worrying about? We had a pleasant chat. What I noticed was how much he focused on how he could help me. It was a welcome change to meeting people who only talked about themselves.

I was inspired to get better at networking, do it regularly, offer to help people, and make sure I focused on them. It felt good. LinkedIn is a great resource too. I met an amazing leader and was invited to do a presentation. I felt the fear and did it anyway. Beyond fear is growth.

Focus on how you will offer to help other people. Listen closely to what they’re about by asking open questions enthusiastically — what, when, where, how, who, and my favourite, why. When you meet someone new for the first time, check their eye colour, because that moment of focus will create a great first impression; you’ll connect on a deeper level purely by using great eye contact and body language. The halo effect will come into play. For example, they will think ‘Wow, this person is confident and is really focused on me and wants to connect’. Try it. Seriously, it works!

Building connections is a sure-fire way to build a powerful network that will serve you and, most importantly, help you be of service to others now and in the future. Start networking now!

You can start online via LinkedIn too.

Three Challenges for you:

1 Approach a colleague at work that you don’t know and introduce yourself. Hi my name is… Then ask them how their day is going and really listen.

2 Approach a person you don’t know that you find attractive and introduce yourself. Hi my name is… Then ask them how their day is going and really listen. (This challenge is limited to those of you that are single)

3 Approach a person you are inspired by, it could be a manager, business leader, celebrity. Introduce yourself and ask them how their day is going and really listen.

Pick one and commit to completing the challenge. Make yourself accountable by telling a friend or relative what your challenge is and when you’ll do it.This way you’re more likely to take action.

‘The measure of intelligence is the ability to change’ — Einstein

Thank you for reading! Adam Bowcutt

Adapted from Confide: The New Psychology of Confidence. How to Power Up after Experiencing Depression

[1] Loneliness Might Be A Bigger Health Risk Than Smoking Or Obesity, Scott Mendelson

3 Important Skills to Develop Mental Wealth

Building mental wealth is critical to long-term well-being, mental health and intelligent productivity.

Mental wealth is a powerful combination of growth mindset, mental fortitude and abundance mentality. With consistent action, awareness and focus you'll begin building a solid foundation of mental wealth. It is important to develop skills that maintain its steady growth, because your life, and those dependent on your purposeful actions and courageous leadership, depend on it.

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

1 Lively Listening

Important because: Listening is arguably one of the most important skills with respect to building mental wealth because it offers a powerful base to launch off. By developing aptitude in active and lively listening, growing acute awareness of our immediate surroundings is inevitable. Ideally our environment, both external and internal, must collaborate so that the context of meaningful conversations, what you're thinking and saying, is in agreement. Antagonism here often disrupts conversational flow because our inner voice and outer voice are conflicted. Of course, depending on the depth of relationship between you and whom your conversation partner is, varying levels of formality are expected. What's key is genuineness, because people nowadays can spot a 'fake' a mile away. Being respectful and saying what you're thinking is a nuanced skill in itself. By practicing lively listening in real-time and by being fully present, mutual respect, and most importantly, trust, is built. 'Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding, and trust.' [1] Remember communication is a two-way exchange.

Solution: 'Next time you meet someone, take a moment to check what colour their eyes are. Why? The reason is that the two seconds it takes to do this allows time for you to really look into the other person's eyes. By checking to see what colour their eyes

are, you've focused purely on them. They will sense this. They will automatically feel your focus and attention' [2]

• Can you remember the eye colour of the last person you chatted with? If you're speaking with and listening to one person, briefly check what colour their eyes are.

• If you're contributing to a group discussion, focus on one person per idea so that they feel listened to and not simply a number in a crowd. For example, if you're addressing a question on a specific topic.

• Clarify comprehension: For example, say: "So that I'm fully understanding you, what you're saying is ........ Is that right?"

• Be generous in using open-ended questions to encourage others to speak freely. Once they do, make sure you're genuinely curious about what they're saying. We can certainly learn more if we are willing to truly listen to others. Absorb this rich source of information and once you pause for thought ask yourself "why are they saying this right now?"

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said" - Peter Drucker

• In preparation for improving lively listening skills for the long-term, listen deeply to yourself. ''It’s essential that you observe the tone you use in your internal dialogue. Adopt the type of tone that a loved one would use if they were reassuring you.' [3]

2 Lifelong Learning

Important because: You don't know what you don't know. This is logical right? 'By learning something new we build confidence because our understanding deepens' [4] and with deeper understanding comes greater competence. Once you commit to lifelong learning you become unbounded; with knowledge and wisdom (applied knowledge) you are creating your personal reality, whatever you choose to become now and into the future. Essentially, you can change your personality (personal reality), benefitting yourself and those you influence. Additionally you'll build strength and be more effective at processing information, which means your ability to acquire, and apply, new skills will improve. Your mental wealth will definitely grow because your span of control will widen, meaning you're less likely to feel incapable. Being skilful is empowering. You'll learn to lead yourself, in turn lead others and be of significant service to others and the wider community. It's a great thing.

Solution: Adopt a growth mindset so that you learn to become intrinsically motivated to learn for the sake of learning. To start to adopt a growth mindset when facing any problem, start saying "I don't know how to do this yet." Yet is the most important word here because humans have an ability to learn almost anything [5]

• Read more! Pick up a book and start reading now. Set a timer for five minutes and practice reading non-stop without distraction. Focus on absorbing the words and key messages. Reading regularly helps your brain retain new knowledge. Surely that's worth five minutes a day?

• Choose a new hobby to learn. It can be absolutely anything. A few examples for you: Skateboarding, Gardening, Cooking, Jogging, Investing, Volunteering, Writing, Dancing, Languages, Meditation etc. Most importantly, start, and make sure you apply a growth mindset because you will get better with practice. (A list of 50 hobbies for more inspiration HERE)

• Get a mentor or coach. Specifically one that has deep experience and measurable results in the area you want to learn. You'll save valuable time and energy because being mentored or coached enables a direct approach to learning compared to being self-taught. There are benefits to teaching yourself new skills, although it could be a wiser choice to seek expert guidance, especially in the early stages.

“Research shows that you begin learning in the womb and go right on learning until the moment you pass on. Your brain has a capacity for learning that is virtually limitless, which makes every human a potential genius.” – Michael J. Gelb

3 Consistent Creativity

Important because: Practicing consistent creativity shifts our thinking and behaviours from consuming to creating. The benefits of developing this valuable skill are two-fold in helping develop mental wealth; first, a consistently creative mindset adds value because instead of depleting value by using it, you're creating it for others to use. Second, creativity reduces stress, anxiety and depression. 'The average person has about 60,000 thoughts in a day. A creative act such as crafting can help focus the mind, and has even been compared to meditation due to its calming effects on the brain and body. Even just gardening or sewing releases dopamine, a natural anti-depressant'.[6] Instead of sporadic creativity what's most important is consistency because over time, with a disciplined approach, you'll gain refined skills in your chosen creative pursuit. Purposeful productivity is intelligent creativity and is fun too, you're more likely to repeat enjoyable habits because they're fun. An associated benefit is increased mental and physiological energy.

Solution: Take a hot shower,'the absolute isolation of our morning shower makes an excellent incubator for ideas.'[7]

• Make sure you write down your fresh ideas as soon as you think of them, this way you're more likely to execute on them because you've shifted them into a state of reality instead of just a passing thought.

• Schedule regular day-dreaming sessions into your busy day. 'When the researchers compared the results, they found that the participants who reported more frequent daydreaming scored higher on intellectual and creative ability and had "more efficient" brain systems as measured by the MRI, compared with those who said they daydreamed less often and had "less efficient" brains' [8]

"The future belongs to those who learn more skills and combine them in creative ways" - Robert Greene

In summary three important skills to develop mental wealth are lively listening, lifelong learning and consistent creativity. Honing these skills takes time although the desired results will certainly be worth your patience. Have fun practising the suggested solutions including momentary eye-contact, regular reading and taking a hot showers and you'll be closer to being mentally wealthy for the long-term.

Written by Adam Bowcutt Author of Confide & Work is Mental

Feel free to also read: 3 Ways to Build Mental Wealth

If you're interested to learn more please go ahead and visit adambowcutt.com.au or https://www.mentalwealth.world

[Sources & References]

[1] Psych Central: Become a Better Listener By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

[2] Confide: the new psychology of confidence: how to power up after experiencing depression by Adam Bowcutt. Xlibris Publishing

[3] Psychology Today, The Power of Your Internal Dialogue by Jill P. Weber Ph.D.

[4] Rebuild Stronger Confidence and Increase Energy by Author Adam Bowcutt

[5] Confide: the new psychology of confidence: how to power up after experiencing depression by Adam Bowcutt. Xlibris Publishing p.77

[6] Forbes: Here's How Creativity Actually Improves Your Health by Ashley Stahl

[7] Fast Company: 7 Surprising Facts About Creativity, According To Science by John Paul Titlow

[8] Live Science: Do You Daydream? You May Be Smarter and More Creative Than Your Peers by Samantha Mathewson